Metroline Online

©iStockPhoto.com/Viorika

This article was originally published in the August 2009 online newsletter for the New Haven Pride Center and was reprinted with permission.  To read more from the New Haven Pride Cente newsletters, visit www.newhavenpridecenter.org and click “NHPC News.”

As a young (but not at all out) lesbian, I remember well both the excitement – and the terror – that back to school meant for me. Another year of monitoring everything I said and did so no one would guess; another year of feeling like the ‘only one’…

Fast forward 30 years – and wow, things have changed – or have they? The answer is, “It depends.” For some young people, coming out is no big deal. They say, “I’m gay, or bi, or trans or not-labeling, or straight-ish or multi-sexual” and their friends answer, ‘whatever’. And life goes on. For others, the closet is the difference between getting by or getting a beat down. Interestingly, both experiences can happen in the same town or school district.
So, if it depends, what does it depend on?

For one thing, homophobia (and the related harassment, stigma and censure) correlates most closely with what some folks call “traditional values.” (I put these words in quotes because I believe that language matters, especially in philosophical discourse.

If we accept the word ‘traditional’ to have this specific meaning, what do we call differing traditions? It is like the religious rights co-opting of the term, pro-life, to mean anti-abortion. Does that make reproductive rights supporters anti-life?) So called “traditional values” include beliefs that men and women have specific roles, appearances and behaviors; that the husband is the head of the household; that marriage is reserved for heterosexual couples; and that children should be raised in a two-parent, male-female household. These values are not related to any particular racial, ethnic, religious, or socio-economic background.

The more ‘traditional’ the family belief system, the more difficulty the family tends to have in accepting and incorporating their child’s differing orientation or gender identity/expression. The same can be true for communities. The more traditional the community, the more likely that sexual and gender minority youth will be disparaged – and the less likely that support systems will exist.

Another factor is gender. In general, the more a youth varies from typical gender ‘norms’, the more harassment s/he is likely to receive. Boys who don’t fit easily into a box called ‘masculine’ as well as male bodied children who don’t identify as male, tend to be targeted for the most extreme abuse. In addition, transgender youth are more likely to be targeted, and less likely to have resources, than LGB youth. Luckily, Greater New Haven has a number of resources for LGB and Trans youth including Translations (nhtranslations@yahoo.com); New Haven Center Youth (203).387.2252; and Collors of Love, Bridgeport collorsoflove@aol.com. See page 13 in the True Colors resource guide for more.

Speaking of resources, a third factor is the availability of support systems. The number one predictor of outcome for LGBTQI youth is the response of their families. When families are supportive, these young people are at no higher risk than any other teen. But when their families are rejecting, they are at higher risk for virtually everything – suicide, substance abuse, truancy, homelessness, violence – even cigarette smoking! (Ryan, et al, 2009) A recent study on suicide ideation and attempts among sexual minority youth concluded that Gay/Straight Alliances (GSAs) were a protective factor for these youth and, in fact, the presence of a GSA was the only factor of those tested found to be associated with lower odds of suicidality. (Walls, Freedenthal & Winsneski, 2008).

So what can you do? Depends on who you are. But no matter who you are, you can do something! Here are some ideas. There are others in the True Colors Resource Guide which you can download from www.ourTrueColors.org.

If you are an LGBTQI or ally adult in the community or in the school system:

• Come out! The number one form of prejudice reduction is face-to-face interactions over a period of time. The more out and you, you can be, the greater the impact you will have on others. That means coming out as an ally too!
• Speak out! Interrupt intolerance every time and everywhere you hear it – in the hallway, the classroom, the bathroom, the gym, the playground, the cafeteria, at the buses…
• Stand out: Write letters to the editor, support the creation or maintenance of a GSA, go to school board meetings and advocate on behalf of LGBTQI youth or teachers, etc.

If you are an LGBTQ youth who has not yet come out:

• Take your time. Think carefully about the potential benefits of coming out – and the risks if things don’t go as you hope they would. Check out page 55 in the True Colors resource guide for more suggestions and ideas.
• Find an ally. Find a friend, a teacher, a mentor that you trust and share your thinking with them. Search out resources in the school, the community.
• Believe in yourself. It is hard to know it now, but this time won’t last forever. Hang in, hang on, and know that you are perfectly beautiful, lovable, and okay exactly as you are.

If you are an LGBTQI or ally youth and are already out:

• Be a support for others.  They might not be able to come out right now. But if you are able to do it successfully, and positively, you can be a role model and a source of hope.
• Speak out! Interrupt intolerance every time and everywhere you hear it – in the hallway, the classroom, the bathroom, the gym, the playground, the cafeteria, at the buses… Sometimes it can mean a lot more when it is a peer who calls someone on their homophobia.
• Stand out: Support your school’s GSA. If there isn’t one, start one. Get articles into the school newspaper. Put together a training for teachers. (See the True Colors Resource Guide pages 7 – 10 for more ideas.)

School can be a minefield for any child who is different. But if enough of us, individually and together do one thing and another thing and another, someday back to school terror really will be a thing of the past.

Robin McHaelen, MSW, is the Executive Director of True Colors, Inc. Contact her at 888.565.5551.