© 3dbrained/iStockPhoto

Have you ever had cum flying unexpectedly at your head, so quickly that you wince and try to dodge it?

How about in public, with glasses on that enhances that experience?

That was my day recently, while in New York City enjoying Pride.  As my friends and I were walking through Pride village, we came across a booth handing out 3D porn glasses for a Web site, Dominic Ford, which has over the past few months been building a library of 3D porn videos (as well as 2D for those who prefer their porn in the classic Internet way).

Now, I thought it was just a cute marketing stunt, until they pointed to an opening to the left of the banner at their booth.  People were walking in on that side, and walking out of the other side.  Ah, a free trial!

So my friends and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and walked through the booth.  Just as we turned the corner and saw the big plasma screen showing off porn in a way only big screens can show things off, one of the guys started to cum.  And cum hard.

Thanks to the magic of 3D, the cum was flying right at you.  At your face, at your eye.

Instantly the reactions came.  The guys in front of me started dodging their heads to the left, trying to avoid the virtual cum flying at their heads.  My friends, who were behind me, groaned and started covering their faces.  I just started giggling like a little girl.

This is the future of technology, my friends.  Your favorite porn stars can start implementing new versions of that cheesy 3D trick, backing their asses towards the camera so it gets closer and closer to you via 3D - so close you can almost rim him!  But yet you can’t!  Or have his elephant trunk-sized cock swing in front of your face, tanalazingly calling out for you to lick it, suck it, make it cum... but instead, all you can do is helplessly watch while he gets off twice over - once for real, and once on the idea of you getting skeezed out when the cum starts flying.

The careful and respectable reporter I am, I decided to do some more research.  Was this just some cheesy gimmick, or was it implemented with more subtle results?  I’d say it’s a mixed bag.

I have a pretty large computer monitor, so with the DVD that I acquired at the event, I decided to watch it on my monitor, to try to simulate the kind of experience someone using the site at home would get.  After all, most people nowadays use the Internet when they want to see some hot action.  Avenue Q was right on the money when they said “The Internet is for Porn.”

Ah, but 3D porn?  There were some elements that were cool to it.  Seeing the porn stars with a bit of a 3D edge was interesting, but didn’t exactly add to the stimulation.  If they were hot, I got hot; if they weren’t, I wasn’t as turned on.  3D realism can’t fix the main issue, which is whether the porn is hot and turns you on.  The fact that there is some color differences going on, turning the porn closer to black & white because of the need to make the effect work, actually is a bit distracting at first.  You see, they’re doing it with the classic red/blue cardboard glasses,as opposed to the more-high-tech glasses you see at most theaters nowadays.

The Web site was refreshingly good about not going too crazy with the special 3D effects for the sake of 3D - the cum shot that I witnessed in the solo was the worst example I saw in the scenes I previewed.  One action scene was basically no different than most others seen on sites of this kind, with the exception of the 3D rendering.

That brings me to my one legitimate complaint, which is if the porn’s basically the same, and the 3D doesn’t really add much to it, what’s the point?

The site promises that as they get better with 3D, they’ll do more with it, but then you run the risk of it being gimmicky, or distracting.  When you want to get off, you don’t want distractions - you want release!

So while this was a new experience I don’t mind admitting that was fun for me to check out, I frankly was not that enthused at this point.  I will for sure check it out as the technology evolves, but for the time being, if I want cum flying at my head, I’ll get it the old fashioned way - from the cock that’s attached to the boy next to me in my bed.

But keep trying, folks - one day I hope, nay, expect, to have a virtual boy at my beck and call to keep this writer aroused for years to come.