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I just got off the phone with the editor of Metroline magazine. Yes, I was on one of my rants that he is constantly putting up with. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know where it started from but as usual it went on and on. The conclusion of each point of discussion leading to another bone of contention. He then very quietly asked me if I had the slightest clue if any of the morass of topics had anything in common. This of course stopped me dead in my tracks because admittedly, I hadn’t stopped long enough to think about it. Not wanting to look like a fool, I sat there and remained silent for a moment. Or two, maybe three — okay, for a while. And like with most all of our conversations he waited just long enough before throwing me the life line by saying, “Don’t you see that every one of your rants stems from the lack of, or malicious deferral from, honesty?” Yeah, I had to stop and think about that one for a second as well so don’t feel bad. But slowly the light came on. And son of a bitch, he was right again.

In the gay community, honesty is something we all want to lay claim to but avoid on such a regular basis that we don’t even notice anymore. Now for the most part it is harmless. But this nasty trait can very easily be dangerous as well. And in many ways. So lets go on a little tour of my mind as I share some of my thoughts on the matter.

Let’s start with the dating thing. With the advent of the computer and the Internet, sites like Man Hunt and gay.com have sprung up all over the place and has served to remove the barriers of distance from our ability to reach out and meet other gay man and women. And we tend to fall into the false belief that the longer we talk to people we meet online, over time we get to “know” them and we feel like a close friend.

But a very serious void is lurking there that most people do not see. And that is one very important ingredient that is missing. Before I let you know in case you haven’t guessed yet, I want to explain just why this is becoming a critical issue.

As we become friends we build trust between ourselves and the person we are befriending. When the other person is threatened or questioned we go to their defense as it should be. And we put our own credibility on the line as we defend our “friendship” with the other person. The major problem is that do we really know this other person yet? The answer is no we do not.

You see, you really need to have that in-person, face-to-face contact to be able to read the other person’s body language as we get to know and understand them. Body language is 70 percent of communication; eye contact is 20 percent, while verbal is only 10 percent. That key ingredient is not there on the computer.

Profiles are lied about. Personal backgrounds are lied about. I mean how many of us have gone out on a self-arranged blind date with a 25-year-old, no tan lines, blond, 154-pound twink dream only to find a person who past the 25-year mark 25 years — AGO! The no tan lines turn out to be pasty white all over, and the 154 pounds turns out to be the average food intake for any given day. WTF??? And before you let your sides hurt too much from laughing, stop and think about the times you have purposely misrepresented yourself to someone. Oh yes you have, so shut it!  

Sometimes this can actually end up to be dangerous to our health as well. No matter how much we want to think it happens somewhere else, horror stories happen every day in every town and city.

How about when we bullshit ourselves over our financial stability. Here I am talking about the guy who wants to be in the gay nightclub scene but can’t really afford it. The clothes cost too much and guys are always dropping designer names as if everyone is supposed to drop in envy because some guy has the latest $7,000 jeans on. So the next guy will spend his entire check from the interior decorating firm where he works (read: Janitorial Services) on a comparable pair so he can accepted in the crowd.

How is that dangerous? The Lexus (read: 1992 Toyota parked seven blocks away from the club entrance) is repossessed by the finance company (read: Dad) and now you are further behind the crowd because you will have to beg someone else to drive you to the club next week. Shit! And then the real funny part is that most of the really cool clothes come from either the goodwill thrift shop store or T.J. Maxx. How many of these materialistic schmucks know that Tommy Hilfiger started by buying simple standard jeans from the garment district in NYC and putting his logo on them and selling them out of his car for a huge mark up. Great jeans, great way to start a company, but the jeans were still $19.95 jeans, only now they had a label on them that you paid an additional hundred bucks for. And at the end of the day, they don’t have two nickels to rub together. Why can’t we just say “I don’t have the bucks for that right now” and call it a day with out being looked down on?

Now, let’s talk about the proverbial straight shot boy or hustler. These are the guys who we all see at the clubs. Not all of the shot boys are like this but as I rant you will see what I am talking about.

These are the guys who tell everyone that they are straight and only in the clubs to make a little cash. But it’s funny that the only clubs they “work” at are gay clubs. And boy let me tell you we all know how good they “act” when they are trying to sell those shots.

Or how about the ones who hang around the clubs being friendly as they try to get you to buy them drinks and smokes or whatever? There are two sides to these guys. One I call the “external lie “and the other is the “internal lie.”

The external lie is where they are really drug addicts, homeless, broke or whatever and are there only because they know that there are a lot of horny old gay guys at the bars who have money and all. The hustlers will tell them everything they want to hear. I really need a friend like you. Age doesn’t matter to me, it’s the person. Yeah right! And they have a bullshit story a mile long to make you feel sorry for them.

All of it is pure bull. Because if you don’t have any money to share with them they don’t have the time of day for you. The lie ends up hurting good people with good intentions. Yes, there are a lot of older guys who know this is the game and they support it but they don’t realize that they are perpetuating the bigger lie, and thus the more significant damage.

This leads us to the internal lie. And there are a lot of these guys who might read this and claim I don’t know what I am talking about. Fuck them. They are too self-centered to understand they are only the current residents of the barstool they are sitting on, which has been sat upon by countless other hustlers and straight shot boys over the years, and the story behind why or how they got there does not change. It’s like it is written in some manual somewhere. I mean do these guys take a course or something? The lines they use, the approach they make, are always the same just dusted off a little.

But let’s dig a little deeper. They are in a rut that will not lead anywhere for them other than some day realizing they need to do something different. So I find myself asking why the fuck are they wasting their time instead of getting on with life now. The answer is because it is easier for them to live the lie right now rather than face the truth.

Those truths can be as numbered and varied as the flakes of snow in a blizzard. But I want to touch on three.

First, I see a lot of these “straight” guys selling them selves as gay waking up some day and really having a problem dealing with what they did. While this effect has some similarities with the next two, it can be the cause of a very deep pain that guy might end up carrying for the rest of their lives.

If a guy is actually straight, that means there could easily be a deep-seated homophobia that has not yet surfaced and when it does it may be either because the guy has taken the time at some point in the future to look back on his life only to find he hates himself. Can you imagine the baggage that probably will come with that one? But it is easier to live the lie right now and say to hell with tomorrow.

Then there is the drug addict who has the slender twink body that daddies like. So they sell it. Why not? They get to party in the clubs and bars, get drinks for free (does that sound like a song from somewhere?) and then even a blow job which every guy wants straight or gay, right?

And then he coyly asks for a little cash to help out at home or whatever. Cash which most likely will go to feeding the drug addiction. So here we have the lie that perpetuates the destruction of a life under the guise of a good time at the club. Easy right?

Next we have the bi or gay guy who claims they are really straight, but seeks out situations that allow him to indulge his bi/gay curious side while justifying it as survival.

I know this one guy who seems to be doing just that. I have known him for like seven years and have watched his life progress nowhere the entire time. He has a good look to him but he is a drug and booze addict. He also doesn’t have a good job nor does he keep one for very long when he gets one. He lives on and off with his girlfriend but they are always fighting. She throws him out and he lives house to house or on the street as need be. During these times he will readily give and get head from people that can give him a place to sleep or food top eat or whatever he can get. Survival right?

Well, I thought so at first, but now I don’t. See, he is very smart and could easily straighten his shit out and stand on his own two feet. But he doesn’t. And during conversations we have had, he has shown a side without intending to that is proof of a very strong interest in the gay life. I often wonder if he would only be honest with himself about living his life as an openly bi or gay man, would he finally find some happiness and the ability to do something with himself instead of staying in the rut so he can justify from time to time indulging his inner truth? Is the inner lie holding back his life? Maybe. I think so.

But the lie is easier to live than the truth. For now anyway.

So you see, in the gay community honesty and blow jobs go hand in hand one way or another.