Dear Uncle Blabby,

I have a “hetero” friend with whom I had an encounter once—over a year ago.  He maintains that it will not happen again because he’s “not gay.”  He knows where I stand, and of my attraction to him.

I think I’m getting mixed messages.  He pages me 3 or 4 times a day, and he needs to see me every day.  We get a hotel room just to be alone. He is a body builder and frequently complains of being sore. I rub his back, legs, arms, pecs, and butt (bare skin).  He returns the back rubs and puts so much energy into it that he breaks a sweat.  His favorite thing is lying on his stomach while I straddle his upper legs/butt and use my elbows up and down his back. There really isn’t any time that we are together that there isn’t some kind of physical contact.

I know that I am the first thing he thinks of when he awakens, because he will ask his mother if I have called yet. We are in our mid thirties, both single. Where do you think he’s coming from, and what should I do to get past this point and do what we did a year ago?

Jason, Stamford, Conn.

Dear Jason,

While I am not a licensed physiologist, I have given advice throughout my entire life. It appears to me that this friend is a closet case of huge proportion.

While indicators are not always totally accurate, he has many. Body builder, single in his 30’s, lives with his mother, hangs around with and has physical contact with a known gay friend (that he’s already had a sexual encounter with). He is totally afraid that he is gay, and does not know how to deal with that fact.

If he refuses to get counseling to help him deal with the situation, I’m afraid there is little you can do, other than encourage him to be himself. During your rub down, try to get sexual by just ever so slightly tracing the tips of your fingers over his body and see what happens. If he gets hard, it just might be the final tell tale sign that you need.

Clearly sees the signs,
Uncle Blabby

Dear Uncle Blabby,

When we go to the checkout line in the grocery line my partner is always cruising the nice looking bag boy.  It bothers me but I don’t know if I should say something or just let him have his fun.  What do you suggest?

Paul, Wallingford, Conn.

Dear Paul,

Cruising guys is like looking at a menu. You always look it over, even if you already know what you want. I say that unless he decides to order something different from you, you have no worry. For breakfast give him a large piece of kielbasa with his eggs, instead of two small sausages.

Always Cruising,
Uncle Blabby

Dear Uncle Blabby,

I have this major crush on this guy who works out in the same cardio class as me.  I’m somewhat shy but I really like him.  What’s the best way to ask him out? I don’t know what to say.  Help?

Johnnie, West Hartford, Conn.

Dear Shy Johnnie,

You’d be less shy if you referred to yourself as John instead of Johnnie first of all. Now try to get a machine adjacent to his the next time you are both there together if you are using machines.

If not, get there early, wait for him to arrive and stand near him. Find some excuse to engage him in conversation. You might start with, “wow, that’s a huge basket you have” or “such a nice chin to rest a pair of balls on.”

Seriously though, find something, anything, like the weather, or the economy to start a conversation with him. If he responds positively, you are on your way. If not, use one of my first lines, as now you have nothing to lose.

Nice basket here,
Uncle Blabby

Send questions to Uncle Blabby, c/o Metroline, 495 Farmington Avenue, Hartford, CT 06105 or e-mail keepintouch@metroline-online.com

Tags: 2010, 37-05, EARLY MARCH