Dear Uncle Blabby,

I have worn jockey shorts my entire life but have been told recently that they are too confining and can actually decrease your sperm production.  Boxer briefs are recommended to allow the scrotum to hang more freely and provide better circulation in the nether regions.  Have you ever heard of this?  Also, if I do go with boxers, does it matter which side my junk hangs down? 

Schlonging To Know

Dear Schlong,

Jockey shorts actually do reduce your sperm count, but as a gay man, why would sperm count be important to you? Secondly, boxer briefs do allow the ball sack to hang more freely, and therefore provides better circulation. As with all things gay, if you hang your junk down the left side, it’s a sign of dominance; and down the right side would be a sign of passiveness or submission.

Left side boxer brief guy here,
Uncle Blabby

Dear Uncle Blabby,

I’m a sixteen-year-old gay boy living in rural eastern Connecticut.  I am comfortable with my sexuality and have no guilt about being gay.  I’m out to my friends and lead a healthy fantasy life. There is one problem: How do I hook up? I can’t find a guy. School is full of homophobic jocks and lots of mousy computer geeks.  I’ve tried clubs, etc. for meeting guys my age, but there aren’t any in my area. This probably sounds like “my so-called life,” but this isn’t about sex. I’ll settle for someone to talk to. While I’m by no means star material or Albert Einstein I’m far from being stupid or ugly. Tell me where to start.

Proud to be me,
Woodstock, Conn.

Dear Woody,

First of all congratulations on being 16, out and proud. Apparently, none of your friends are gay, or know anyone that is. Being 16, gay, and in high school can be a difficult situation. I think I would start by identifying a teacher that you think you can trust and who has shown signs of being gay or gay friendly. Approach that teacher with the idea of starting a Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) at your school. I know, its risky, but in the long run I think you will find lots of kids that are either gay, or so comfortable with their own sexuality that they are not afraid to support a GSA at their school. That would be a good place to start to network, both for friends (straight & gay) and for that elusive “hook up”.

No trouble hooking up,
Uncle Blabby

Dear Uncle Blabby,

My friend and I were hanging out one night with her boyfriend. We’ve hung out many times and he has no problem with my being gay.  Out of nowhere though, he asked me in a serious manner, “If I ask my girlfriend to stick her finger up my ass would it mean that I’m gay?”  I didn’t know how to answer and just started to laugh and questioned his sincerity a bit. He seemed serious yet it seemed so strange that he would ask me, I was uncomfortable. How should I have responded to his question?

Will,
Vernon, Conn.

Dear Will,

Just because your friend’s boyfriend enjoys some anal stimulation, does not in and of itself indicate that he is gay. What I think you should have said to him would have been to ask him a question back, such as, “why, have you tried it and did it feel good”? Sometimes seemingly straight guys are questioning their sexuality, and use their association with a gay friend to ask some “what if” questions, to gauge how gay some activities are. In this case though, I think you’ve found out the reason why he has ‘no problem’ hanging out with you and the fact that you’re gay. Be gentle with him the first time.

Oral for me,
Uncle Blabby

Send questions to Uncle Blabby, c/o Metroline, 495 Farmington Avenue, Hartford, CT 06105 or e-mail keepintouch@metroline-online.com

Tags: 2010, 37-23, 37-24, EARLY DECEMBER, LATE DECEMBER