Dear Uncle Blabby,

I was dating this guy for about a month.  I thought things were brilliant. One night, three weeks into the relationship, he pulled out a paper bag full of presents during dinner. He presented me with a large aromatic candle because he said I rekindled a flame in him. The song “Ray of Light” by Madonna, because he said I brought light into his life, and a box of truffles because he said I was sweet. He told me that he loved me, and for the first time, we made love.  Out of the blue this guy breaks up with me a week later to get back with his ex-boyfriend whom he claimed he hadn’t seen in two years. What did I do wrong?

Andrew, Northampton, Mass.

Dear Andrew,

Your only mistake was dating a certifiable whack job in the first place. I know it might be hard to swallow right now, but believe me, if this guy is capable of doing what you said he did, he is not worth the time to develop a relationship with. He needs to spend some time finding out who HE is, before he will be able to make any kind of commitment to anyone else. Consider yourself lucky that it only took you 5 weeks to find out what a creep this guy really is. Besides, what’s a nice gay guy like you doing living in Northampton??

I’ll give you Truffles, sweetie,
Uncle Blabby

Dear Uncle Blabby,

I am a 26 year-old gay male.  I have been dating a flight attendant for a couple of months.  Whenever he’s in Conn. and not around the country we have sex, but last night was the first time he actually “stayed over” for the entire night.  The next morning he asked if he could take a shower.  I said, “sure, I’ll make coffee.” When he finished, I discovered that my toothbrush was soaked.  This guy I hardly know used my toothbrush.  This is all going too quickly for me.  Of course, I haven’t said anything to him because I don’t want to ruin the relationship, but that was stupid because now it just seems doomed anyway. I don’t trust him anymore and I feel weird even having him in my apartment. Am I overacting?  What should I do?

E.G.,East Windsor, Conn.

Dear E.G.,

His use of your toothbrush does appear to be over the top. I would assume that most flight attendants carry their toiletries with them when they travel. In any event, if he wanted to use your toothbrush, heshould have at least asked. On the other hand, he might have figured that as long as he had something else of yours that was long, hard and round at the top in his mouth the night before, that it wouldn?t much matter.

The bottom line is yes I think you are over reacting. You swapped spit with him the night before. How gross can it be that he used your toothbrush?

Is that toothpaste, or?
Uncle Blabby

Dear Uncle Blabby,

To cut to the chase, the guy I’m seeing has one ball. Every time I go down there I end up thinking so much about his half-empty scrotum that I can’t focus on the task at hand. There’s nothing he can do about it, so what should I do?

Double Barrel, Southington, Conn.

Dear Double,

Suck him twice as hard. Who cares how many balls he has? Is he a good guy? Do you enjoy spending time with him? If the answers are yes, then focus on the one nut that is there, and make him feel as happy as a guy with two.
Two large ones here,

Uncle Blabby

Send questions to Uncle Blabby, c/o Metroline, 495 Farmington Avenue, Hartford, CT 06105 or e-mail keepintouch@metroline-online.com