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Sep 7, 2010
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The Sport of Pornography

Published Sep 18, 2009
Shirtless lifeguard
©iStockPhoto.com/aabejon

Wikipedia says, in part:

"Pornography or porn is the depiction of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement.

"Over the past few decades, an immense industry for the production and consumption of pornography has grown, with the increasing use of the VCR, the DVD, and the Internet, as well as the emergence of social attitudes more tolerant of sexual portrayals. Amateur pornography has become widely popular and generally distributed via the Internet for free.

"Pornography addiction, or more broadly overuse of pornography, is excessive pornography use that interferes with daily life. Online pornography addiction involves pornography obtained via the Internet. Psychologists who support this concept argue that it is stronger, and more addictive, than ordinary pornography addiction because of its wide availability, explicit nature, and the privacy that online viewing offers. Some claim that “addicts” regularly spend extended periods of time searching the Internet for new or increasingly hardcore pornography."

Well I don’t know about you. Yet.  But I think porn has many more subliminal outlets that we just don’t talk about.  For instance; how many of us go to the beach even though we don’t like the water?  Seems that I hear this a lot.  I can’t stand the water but I like working on my tan.  What they leave out is the part about people watching.  Or should I be a little clearer and say checking out the other guy’s bodies while no one is looking thing?  Oh yes you do.  I heard that comment about “the package on that one!”  If you were talking about the girls you would have mumbled “Rack.”  Or how about the guy who hates military movies but owns three copies of Top Gun and can quote verbatim all the lines in the locker rooms or on the beach while Tom Cruise played volley ball.  It’s the same guy who thinks it’s stupid to pay for a trip to a Nascar race but will save for a year in order to get down to Orlando for the international Life Guard contest.  Could that have anything to do with the Speedos?   

But the end of summer is here and we have to revert to other methods to get our homoerotic fix while the wife, or parental unit, isn’t watching.  And just what do we call this?  SPORTS.  Ah yes.  Monday night football.  And convincing the wife it’s the interview in the locker room that is really important to better understand the game you just watched.  Yah-right.  And I brought Hustler and all those other magazines home for the articles too.  Although Heff did have the right idea on some things.  But this goes way back into our childhoods friends.  Think back to junior high when you fell into one of two distinct groups.  Those who were deathly afraid of the locker room or those who couldn’t wait to get there.  I always wondered why the jocks were so cool about taking a shower with everyone else.  And they seemed to take so long when they did.  Or how about wrestling in gym class.  Which group you could be counted in was pretty much indicated by the inflection in your voice while asking the coach, “Put my hand where?”  I will avoid discussing the male cheerleader who returned to the real men’s locker room after a game.  Mostly because we just got him out of the Whitehouse.  

So where do all these guys go after football and it’s between beach and TV sports season for their fix of covert gay porn.  The Internet silly.  Why do you think that the most popular search engines have “Private Browsing” features?  It’s because all the latent homos who work for the software companies went to the out gay guys who work there and convinced them to write programs that would keep the out of trouble from their wives.  God only knows how many fights and divorces or adolescent groundings have occurred when the old lady found where you had been surfing as she attempted to download the recipe for lemon chicken or something like that.  Who the hell would have thought that the computer would rat you out over the word “chicken” in a search engine.  

There is also the guy who decides there is less of a chance getting caught by subscribing to an on-line porn service than sneaking down to the local porn shop gay section.  That is until he starts finding other guys from the office are making all kinds of extra cash as performers on the pay-for-view sites.  “I can do that!  Do I want to stay married or do I finally buy that Porch?”  Of course there is that problem of the same fuckin video being cut up and named twenty-five different titles and you end up spending the whole night searching to find all the clips so you can watch one whole movie to see how it turns out.  Let me help make it easy for you here.  They both get blow and one gets fucked and the camera fades out to the trailers for other flicks.  And what do you do?  Go searching for the other videos.  Oh yes you do!  We all do.  Besides, wasn’t that you I saw performing in the amateur section of ButtHunt.com?

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