Jerking Off and its Various Forms of Pleasure
Dr. Kinsey supposedly had a joke that went something like this.  “My research indicates that 95 percent of human males masturbate.  Further study indicates that the other 5 percent lie!”

There’s the Real Deal... Then There’s the Fake Shit

Just for Shits and Giggles...
It probably is actually the oldest profession in the world.  There you are thinking the oldest profession is being a streetwalker.  It can’t be, stupid; there weren’t streets back in the beginning of time.  But there was some guy in a cave having an argument with his friends about who has the biggest dick.

Be Careful When Being Charitable
I have often wondered if it is written somewhere in a manual about having conversations at the bar, that the guy [drunk] who can maintain the loudest voice while speaking his point without breaking into an outright scream wins.

Talk is Cheap... Actions are Expensive
There is a saying that has been beaten to death for decades. "Actions speak louder than words." My Dad used to say that all the time.

I Heart You... NOW GIVE ME CANDY!
I can remember opening the one from Kathy and feeling so cool that she sent me a valentine. Kathy actually sent me a valentine Mom, look. Mom would look at me so proud and happy.